1. To You

I didn’t want to admit it.

That we were devouring each other in this relationship.

Holding on, asking you not to leave, was nothing but a lingering attachment from me that refused to let go. Begging you to take at least a ring was the obsession stuck at the bottom of my emotions like residue.

There was a final resort, dedicating everything to you, but it was futile.

If possible, I wanted to turn back time.

So, at the last moment, I simply prayed.

Please let me reverse this.

I can make it possible.

I thought it was possible.

But when the opportunity actually came, I didn’t know to which point I should return to set everything right.

That’s when Aleph Karbauude realized.

Even thinking I could reverse this relationship was my folly.

This relationship had been broken far before I realized, and even if I had understood earlier, it was destined to crumble eventually. The reason it persisted was only because of one’s sacrifice.

Should I have been the first to offer you the only position in my life, or would it have been better if I had proven my love by dancing with you in front of everyone?

No. You should never have met me. Someone else, perhaps someone who could have given you a breath of fresh air, would have been better.

No, not even that. You… should never have come to this world at all.

But I couldn’t turn back time to before you arrived here.

Even the opportunity given to me wasn’t mine to control…

* * *

“Akarna, you can still change your mind and choose another place.”

Jiwoo looked up at the High Priest.

The High Priest had always provided Jiwoo with information about her assignments, guiding her to fulfill her duties as Akarna, no matter where she was sent. But this time, he seemed somewhat uneasy.

“Leveion, located in the north, suffers from severe miasma damage. It’s far from the capital, making it hard for rescue operations to reach.”

This mission location was specially added at the imperial household’s request. It was a name Jiwoo had never heard during her year at the temple.

Seeing Jiwoo silent, the High Priest asked again.

“Are you sure you want to go there?”

“…Yes.”

There was no need to change the decision. It wasn’t chosen for any special reason, after all.

Even as Jiwoo nodded without much enthusiasm, the High Priest smiled contentedly.

Whether that smile was because of the relief he felt for the suffering people in the barren north or because of the benefits he would receive for fulfilling the imperial household’s request was unclear. After all, it wasn’t the High Priest who would be tearing his flesh and spilling his blood.

The temple’s people always acted this way. Pretending to care. Offering choices. But the outcome never changed. Jiwoo inevitably found herself sent to destinations she didn’t want to, forced to draw her own blood to save the people there.

In a barren land heavily afflicted by the miasma damage, the death toll was expected to be high, and Jiwoo was just an ordinary person to feel a grand sense of duty.

Suddenly being heralded as a miracle of God, God’s watchman, a savior of this world. The grand titles and corresponding noble treatment they promised, could anyone truly embrace that overnight?

With each repeat of these missions, what grew was not a sense of duty but a pool of questions.

Why?

Why must I be the one?

I have no ties to this place, do I?

Yet, once again she was dragged off to a barren land without any resistance.

What good did an escort and noble treatment do if she had to witness the death of people right before her eyes? Moreover, in front of severely injured individuals, Jiwoo had to inflict wounds on her own body. It was better to do it herself rather than have someone else shake with fear as they cut into her trembling body.

All the way to the mission location, Jiwoo curled up inside the carriage, shivering with fear.

Being told that beasts frequently lurked in the border regions, she received two or three times the usual warnings to be cautious. The escorts accompanying her were more numerous than usual, too. However, personal conversations with them were prohibited.

All Jiwoo wanted was simple.

Someone to listen.

Someone to have a conversation.

Someone to at least acknowledge that she was a living person.

What horrific scenes awaited her this time? Neither the physically wounded nor those vomiting black blood from the miasma’s influence were easy sights to bear with a clear mind.

But what she found upon arriving at the mission location was vastly different from what she expected.

Contrary to warnings of the severe damage, there were no significantly injured soldiers in the military barracks. The conditions didn’t seem as dire. In a corner, a pot filled with medicinal herbs was boiling, emitting a bitter smell, and people were tending to minor injuries.

There were injuries, but compared to the scenes Jiwoo had witnessed before, this place could almost be considered peaceful. There were no critically injured or miasma-inflicted individuals in immediate need of Akarna’s aid.

Jiwoo’s escort asked the soldier guiding them.

“Where are the injured? This doesn’t match what I was told…”

The soldier nodded with a somewhat moved expression.

“The battle ended much quicker than expected, so the damage was significantly less. Initially, only a few participated in this campaign. If the Second Prince hadn’t come, I might not have been here.”

The soldier excitedly rambled about the battle and how remarkable the Second Prince was.

Jiwoo, who was uninterested in all that, let the soldier’s words pass through her ears. She was just relieved that it seemed she could stay without much issue this time.

“But, that person over here is…”

“Akarna.”

“As, as expected! Ah, Akarna! It’s truly an honor to meet you!”

The soldier saluted Jiwoo respectfully.

“I never thought I’d meet Akarna in my lifetime… As you know, this area is somewhat abandoned, far from the capital…”

The soldier’s demeanor changed from when he spoke to the escort before.

“So, when I heard Akarna was coming here, I was overjoyed… I couldn’t believe it when I heard Akarna personally chose this area!”

He was misunderstanding something. Jiwoo hadn’t deliberately chosen this location.

The temple had drawn up several mission locations for Jiwoo to choose from, a merely formal procedure without any real significance.

She certainly hadn’t chosen it with any enthusiasm.

‘…Didn’t he know?’

Perhaps the news hadn’t reached even the low-ranking soldiers.

Yet, even if Jiwoo wasn’t there by choice, she wasn’t cold-hearted enough to be harsh to someone tearing up with joy before her.

“Akarna, given the chaotic situation, why don’t you rest first? It’s been a long journey. His Highness will arrive shortly.”

“…Yes.”

“We may be short on supplies, but we have something to offer Akarna. Please, wait a moment.”

‘Can I take a moment to rest?’

Jiwoo’s expression lightened slightly. The escort beside her signaled the soldier.

“No, that won’t be necessary. She isn’t someone with leisure time. Now that we’ve confirmed there are no casualties, after seeing His Highness, we intend to inspect the land for purification and then return to the capital.”

“Ah, I see… Of course.”

The soldier bowed deeply while looking quite apologetic, and stepped back.

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