“Hana, are you okay?”

“Hu-ugh, Weed…”

Crying so intensely in her dream had inevitably affected her reality. Although Weed didn’t deliberately wake her, Hana came to her senses first and clung to him.

“Hana, are you hurting?”

“It hurts…”

He sobbed, her throat prickling painfully. Her chest felt so tight it seemed ready to burst.

“Oh no, this shouldn’t be happening…”

Weed gently stroked Hana, who was in his arms. He hesitantly asked a question, unlike his usual forward manner.

“May I… kiss you?”

Before he could even finish his question, she pulled him towards her.

She felt like she was dying from the pain and needed his kiss. Hana slid her tongue into his slightly open mouth, pressed closely against him and continued to weep, finding comfort that way.

Weed softly stimulated her mouth with his touch, this time not losing himself enough to take her saliva. His delicate movements gradually calmed Hana’s previously agitated state, bringing some stability.

Throughout the night, as Hana repeatedly woke up crying, Weed stayed awake, attending to her needs, ensuring she felt comforted whenever she clung to him needing a kiss.

She woke up several times throughout the night,her foot felt as if it were on fire. Not once did Weed sleep, he continually checked on her condition. Whenever she woke up crying or clinging to him, wanting kisses, he devoted all his attention to soothing her.

They would kiss, he would stroke her body, lick her, and she no longer dreams. Whether asleep or awake, her mind was always foggy.

How long this state lasted, she couldn’t tell—it felt like several days.

Then, suddenly, she became fully aware. Hana opened her eyes wide and looked up at the ceiling. Sensing that she was awake, Weed immediately pulled her into his arms. He didn’t kiss her, nor did she ask for it.

Carefully, he helped her sit up at the edge of the bed.

Neither of them spoke. Words wouldn’t come out.

When she finally came to her senses after being half-asleep and barely conscious, Hana realized that he was kissing her feet as if performing a sacred ritual.

A slightly cool sensation touched her soles.

A pair of gold shoes, somewhat translucent and unadorned, had been slipped onto her feet. As soon as she wore them, vine-like tendrils sprouted from the shoes, winding around her ankles and sprouting tiny leaves. It felt as though she was stepping on freshly sprouted golden shoots.

Maybe it was the tickle of the tender leaves that made her throat tighten.

Weed once said how beautiful her feet and ankles were. He insisted she shouldn’t hide them under clothes once her foot healed, allowing him to choose shoes for her. She never imagined indulging in such luxuries as choosing jewels for her toes or wearing fancy ballroom shoes or heels because she couldn’t wear normal shoes easily.

Had he picked these out for her knowing this?

As soon as she saw his face, she caught her breath. Weed was looking up at her with his golden eyes wide, a look of pure joy on his face.

“Hana.”

He called her with a sweet voice. Hana trembled as she looked down at him, a faint shock passing through her mind.

Why am I alive?

Seeing you made me want to live.

“It doesn’t hurt anymore.”

If I wish to stay by your side, you die, and if I wish for you to live, I must die.

I should have died back then. If I had died when I had no attachments, there would be no problem… But why do you keep making me want to live?

“How do you feel?”

Why do you keep making me want to live?

“Do you like it?”

Why do you make me want to live?

“Hana?”

Why?

“Ugh, huuuh…”

Weed looked down at her ankles for a while, then was suddenly shocked by Hana bursting into tears. He had only expected her to be happy and pleased, so it made her reaction all the more unexpected for him.

“Ha, Hana? What’s wrong? Does it hurt? Is something wrong? Don’t cry.”

“Weed, huh…”

“I must have done something wrong, Hana. I’m not sure what went wrong. This is all new to me, and I might have been clumsy… Are you in a lot of pain? May I check on you?”

Weed straightened up his bent knees and got up. He hesitantly spread his arms but not yet hugged her, just standing there hunched over.

Hana stammered with her head down.

“It’s, it’s because I like it so much. Weed. I like it…”

I like you so much. I want to be by your side.

I want to live in this beautiful place forever.

To say that this world was unstable, endlessly consuming life in search of sacrifice, all seemed like lies. It made no sense. To Hana, this world wasn’t much different from the one she came from. In fact, she felt more at ease here. She preferred it here. It seemed much more perfect.

Especially when she was here.

She was happier.

“Ah… do you like it?”

“Yes.”

Hana nodded, and Weed’s face lit up.

“So, you’re crying because you’re happy?”

“Yes.”

“Ah… then I’m glad. I’m sorry for not understanding…”

Weed, who was naive and didn’t know emotions, gave a sheepish smile.

Even though her foot had finally been treated, Hana did not get up. She just sat and leaned into him, crying.

Weed awkwardly but gently stroked her as she clung to him.

“Hana, still… it hurts me to see you cry. I wish you wouldn’t cry. Please don’t cry.”

Hana nodded, not knowing what to do.

She hid her face as Weed smiled. As a gentle laugh came from her overhead, she rubbed her face against his clothing, wiping her tears. His soothing voice felt like salvation, yet she couldn’t understand why her heart still ached.

Still, he comforted her.

She just wanted to stay like this a little longer. It seemed all right for now.

21. Reasons to Live

Why am I alive?

Why am I still alive?

These thoughts weren’t new to Hana. She often found herself blankly pondering such questions.

The first time she had these thoughts, she was curled up in a dark corner of the kitchen. The corner was cold and hard; her body ached from the slap she had received from her father, and her mouth was torn and tasted of blood.

Back then, she couldn’t even think about lying down comfortably.

She was too afraid that someone might appear and start screaming at her again. When she was curled up like that, she didn’t remember much of what she thought about. Only the pain in her cheek. She didn’t cry.

It just hurt. That was all that remained.

It didn’t just happen once or twice. Whenever one of them got frustrated, saying they couldn’t stand the sight of her, Hana would always find her spot in the corner of the kitchen.

If they didn’t look closely, they wouldn’t even notice her there. The house would grow quiet when she stayed hidden. Sometimes, very rarely, she thought she heard laughter. Maybe it was just her hallucinations.

During those times, Hana would stare blankly at the sky outside. The gloomy sunset cast a crimson light through the windows, and the poorly maintained furniture inside seemed almost sinful under the touch of the sunset’s glow.

Huddled in the dark, she quietly let time pass by her, at least spared from the insults.

Why was she still alive?

Wouldn’t it have been better if she had just died back then? So she wouldn’t have been in pain afterwards…

She still couldn’t forget those days. She pretended to forget, but even now, Hana often had nightmares about those times.

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