Home Post 824-chapter-137


Suddenly, I wanted to cry. Yes, I wanted to cry so much.

I hated the petals blooming on my chest, the heavy snowfall was so beautiful, and you, smiling so lovingly… I wanted to cry because of you.

I instantly understood what the confession meant. And what this feeling I have for you is… I’ve known it already.

Perhaps, for a very long time.

How could I not know? How could I not know this feeling?

Your tender voice, your gentle smile, your friendly touch, your affection… You give me all of these so generously, and how could I not like you when you are so kind?

You slowly seeped into my heart.

Even in the dark shadows, your face remains vivid.

On gloomy days, on days when I miss you, I sit in front of the cake you loved so much, lost in thoughts of you.

I liked it when you asked me if I was okay, faster than anyone else. When memories of my past caught me short without me knowing.

When I was feeling weak, I liked it when you whispered, “It’s okay.”

I liked your heart. In a life where you never received protection, you cried for me, knelt for me.

You were my glass beads. Pretty glass beads carefully collected in a lovely jar. That’s what you were to me.

So, I can’t help but welcome your confession.

I can’t help but be grateful for those words, gently spoken in that tender voice.

So, I can’t help but hide this feeling, suppress it, put it off, and hang my head in response.

Eunji spent a lot of time in the hospital. Therefore, I spent a long time caring for her. During that time, I witnessed many deaths. Accidents, illnesses… regardless of the reasons, they all had one thing in common.

The cries of those left behind. Heart-wrenching screams, sadness.

On the day Eunji passed away, my parents were the same.

‘Eunji… Eunji!’

‘Eunji… Aah! My daughter, my daughter, what do we do… My daughter, our poor daughter.’

Those who were once so cruel were now utterly devastated before the lifeless body.

Kneeling on the ground with eyes swollen from crying, their voices were hoarse as they wailed in sorrow.

Even I, who had let go of everything, looked quite sad.

I didn’t like it. I hated it. My family is enough. Letting out sorrow as if they were going to stop breathing is enough just for my family.

I wonder what my face looks like right now.

I only hope it remains intact. The usual quiet, expressionless face. As if hearing something that wasn’t meant to be heard or doesn’t exist.

Aiden said nothing. He just gazed at me wordlessly. His face was so affectionate, it was annoying.


At my murmur, Aiden smiled faintly. His weak smile looked sad.

Anyway, I’m too quick to pick up on things.

I wish you weren’t sad, but for that to happen, you have to be sad now. Isn’t that ironic?

With the absurd question in my mind, I lowered my head. Ah….A small sigh escaped after the stiff nod.

Behind the sigh, a tender voice followed.

“It’s okay, Miss.”

It feels like it will be alright soon.

“I never really expected a positive response from the beginning.”

I wanted to be positive.

If I could have lived just a bit longer, I would have said yes.

“Just sharing my feelings is enough.”

Aiden’s lips curled up slightly more. This smile must be for me.

Human emotions are truly peculiar. One day, somehow, someone can ignite a blazing fire within you in an instant, or those feelings can accumulate ever so slowly… Emotions are unpredictable and amusing.

It has been barely a year since I met you. No, not even a full year. And you met me about 11 years ago.

Out of those 10 years, I must have been quite the villain in your eyes.

But why did we end up loving each other like this? What did this short period of time mean?

Why did we end up like this?

If only I hadn’t loved you.

“…Yes. That’s right.”

Despite the noise inside my head, I just nodded like I knew nothing.

Our last walk ended like that. Awkward and quiet.

I had no regrets. Your confession was enough, and it was a cherished memory.

I hung up my snow-wet coat on the chair and sat at the desk, taking out a piece of paper.

The skirt covered in snow was a little heavy.

Selena White

Under the bold name, there was a list of wishes written in messy handwriting.

1. I want to go on a trip. I want to go to the lakeside with my family and loved ones. ()

2. Have a funeral photo*(or picture). ()

3. Say my farewell words to my family in person.

4. Make friends. (O)

Holding a pen in my hand, I filled in the next item.

5. Don’t say it.

Don’t express my true feelings.

Suddenly, just as how I wanted to draw flowers when I felt like it, I wanted to say that I liked you, but I also wanted not to express my true feelings.

The handwriting for the newly added item was particularly bad.

I stared at it for a moment and then folded the paper in half and placed it in the drawer.

I didn’t have the energy to change my clothes, so I lay down on the bed in my thick dress.

It was a cold and long night.

* * *

Knock, knock.

Lucas was drying his hair after a quick shower and looked at the door in response to the unexpected knock.

“Who is it.”

He wondered who the unannounced evening visitor might be.

Raising his eyebrows, Lucas speculated about the identity of the person while hearing an unexpected voice.

“You asked me to come, so I came.”

The voice of a man, heavy with moisture. It was Aiden.

Lucas was slightly surprised, even though he had asked Aiden to come earlier. But there was one clue missing.

Didn’t he say that Aiden should come if he was rejected?

‘Did Aiden get rejected by Selena?’

Lucas pondered for a moment and then walked toward the door.

He opened the door to see Aiden standing before him.

His neatly combed hair was now disheveled, and the shoulders of his stiff clothes were drenched.

“Did you have a snowball fight outside?”

Lucas asked Aiden as he entered the room.

“Maybe that would have been better.”

Aiden responded with a forced smile, and Lucas, still watching Aiden’s pitiful figure, closed the door.

Outside, snow was falling. Inside the curtain-drawn room, there were two men sitting by a flickering candlelight. Quite an ironic scene.

After confirming that Aiden had taken a seat on the sofa, Lucas went to the cupboard and took out a bottle of wine.

He had said he would share some wine with him, so he had to follow through, even though he didn’t know whether he would actually offer it.

While Lucas was choosing a wine glass from the cabinet, he spoke without looking back.

“So, you came here… does that mean you were rejected?”

Without hesitation, Aiden chuckled at Lucas’ direct approach. As Aiden nodded, a soft voice flowed from his lips.

“What’s certain is that my situation is quite similar to that of Sir Lucas.”

“I see.”

With a sly smile, Lucas set aside the crystal glass he had just picked up and opted for an ordinary glass instead.

It was a small act of revenge.

With two glasses and a bottle of strong wine in hand, he took a seat opposite Aiden.

Aiden appeared indifferent to Lucas’ actions.

“I didn’t expect this.”

Lucas placed a glass in front of Aiden and opened the bottle.

Only after the strong aroma of the wine hit his nose did Aiden’s gaze turn toward Lucas.

“You sounded like a fortune teller earlier.”

“Not a fortune teller, but I do have some insight like a seer…..”

Aiden shrugged and seemed uninterested as he continued to nod along with Lucas’ comments.

Lucas placed a wine glass in front of Aiden and opened the bottle.

‘Selena likes him.’

But she refused….so why?

Lucas believed that there were things people couldn’t hide. He considered the eyes to be one of those things.

How someone held someone else, how they looked at them; everything was revealed in their eyes.

Selena’s eyes when she looked at Aiden… they had been full of life. Bright, warm, intriguing. In a word, colorful.

But why had she rejected him?

Lucas turned the wine in his glass just like the gesture he had used earlier, and slowly brought the glass to his lips and took a sip. The red liquid flowed down his throat along with the words he was about to say.

What’s important is that he was rejected, too. Lucas hadn’t been friendly in the first place

“Oh I forgot to toast.”

Aiden sighed at the laughter in his voice

He had come here feeling emotionally tangled, and he was beginning to think that maybe he shouldn’t have come at all. He found it unpleasant to see those round eyes looking at him so disapprovingly.

No matter how similar their situations were, he wouldn’t develop any good feelings for that man.

Aiden held his glass to the empty air and drank the wine.

He wanted to get drunk tonight.

* * *

The next day, Jane arrived to change the bed sheets and naturally exclaimed at the sight of a new dress.

“Why, Miss, you wear your outdoor clothes…. No, why did you sleep in them? You’ll catch a cold! The bed is drenched, too! Ah, what’s this bed?”

I listened quietly to Jane’s nagging, like a scolded child. After a while of sighing and complaining, Jane started doing her job efficiently.

I changed into the clothes she handed me and sat quietly at the tea table, observing her actions.

Jane took off the bed sheets and opened the curtains to let in the sunlight. She took the blankets and sheets to the laundry room and brought fresh ones back.

Watching her so busy like a diligent ant, I felt a twinge of guilt.

“Sorry, Jane.”

I apologized quietly, and as I did, Jane turned toward me.

Her large eyes blinked a few times before she finally turned her head away.

Well, what does that mean? Is the child becoming more audacious?

“Since the Miss is taking me on a trip, that’s enough for me.”

A small laughter followed the grumbling voice.

Anyway, it’s really cute.

With a giggle, I rested my head on the table.

If Eunji and I had had a good relationship, would it have been like this?

I know that Jane likes me quite a bit. I also think of Jane like a little sister. Leaving behind a child like her, my heart ached a bit.

She’ll probably be sad. Even though she seems tough, she’s still a tender child. She’ll probably shed a lot of tears.

“Okay. Let’s go on our trip and enjoy ourselves.”

“Yes, Miss. By the way, Aiden is running late today, isn’t he?”

My smile awkwardly froze at Jane’s words. I felt my head getting heavy on the table as my forehead touched it.

At this time, Aiden used to come to work with Jane every day without fail.

Without missing a single day.

But today, he didn’t come.

Well, he probably won’t come. There was that yesterday… he probably won’t come now.

Sighing softly, I stroked the ring on my finger.

Bad Aiden, what’s the point of smiling and saying it’s okay.

I didn’t get a wink of sleep last night.

Did Aiden sleep? He probably didn’t. He would easily cry over my matters. He might have cried himself to sleep last night.

I shouldn’t hope for that, but…

No, actually… I kind of hope for it.

I’m being selfish. I scolded myself and closed my eyes.

And just as I closed my eyes, there was a knock on the door.

Yes, a knocking sound.

At this hour,… Thinking that far, I slowly raised my eyelids. I could see the closed door in the blurred view.

Soon, I raised my upper body with slow movements, just like when I raised my eyelids.

Ha, my shallow breaths escaped naturally. It sounded like a faint moan or a sigh.


As expected, it’s you. Really, it’s you. You said you’d come if I called.

I smiled. I felt like crying, too. Whenever I see you, I’m always like this.

In the future… I will always be like this.