I had practiced these words countless times in my heart.

Back when my heart was filled with resentment towards him, these words could easily be spoken. However, after he had died once, they became difficult to utter.

I knew the reason why.

‘Yes, there has been a change in my feelings.’

His death was a significant event.

But even that could not shake my resolve.

As things stood, we would only continue to hurt each other.

One cannot run from the past.

Since we cannot run, we must eventually face it.

Only when we can look it straight in the eyes and accept it, can we truly…

Move forward anew.

So…

“What we need is time.”

“…”

“Time apart from each other…”

Despair shadowed Theodore’s face. I faced his despair calmly. I couldn’t waver here if I was to make the best choice for both of us.

“As we promised before, let’s… get a divorce, Theodore.”

You and I both need time apart.

I don’t know how long it will take.

What’s certain is that the wounds you’ve inflicted on me are still there.

Only time can heal these wounds…

If this continues, every time I see you, I’ll keep revisiting the past and getting hurt,

And this time, I’ll end up hurting you in return.

I didn’t want us to be in a relationship where…. we only cause each other pain.

“Lily…”

Theodore desperately called my name and knelt down in tears. He did not care that his clothes were getting dirty from the damp ground after the rain.

“Lily, please, think it over once more. I’ll… do anything. Whatever you want…”

He pleaded, crying. The blue eyes looking up at me were brimming with tears.

How could I not understand…. the desperate look in his eyes, the emotions pouring out?

After all, they were once my feelings too.

“Please… You can resent me, blame me, scold me, treat me harshly… just don’t leave me…”

Such a fool.

Not understanding how much it hurts the other person to be resented, blamed, treated harshly.

“Just as you said a moment ago, you did the same to me in the past.”

“…!”

Tears trailed down Theodore’s cheek as he suddenly looked up at me. I looked down at him with a bitter smile.

At this moment, do you realize…. how much my heart aches, just as yours does?

“Resenting, blaming, being harsh… how much it hurts another…”

“…”

“Nobody knows that better than I do.”

“I…”

“I’m not looking for excuses or apologies from you, just―”

“…”

“I just want to say… I don’t want to do that.”

I used to want to hurt you what you had hurt me.

But as I took down my true adversaries one by one, I gradually realized.

I truly… don’t want you to suffer.

Unfortunately, you’re still too special to me.

So, only you could hurt me this deeply, and only you… I could consider forgiving.

Even though I’m someone who could never forgive and must seek revenge to be satisfied.

“Lily… what can I do…”

“Don’t do that. Don’t beg me, Theodore.”

I helped him to his feet and held his shoulders. Theodore stood, his face wet with tears as he staggered.

As I wiped his tears with a handkerchief, I spoke calmly. With a voice devoid of any emotion.

“Our parting…”

“…”

“Is just like the passing of time and changing of seasons.”

To welcome a new summer, spring must come first.

And for spring to arrive, there must be winter.

Nothing pops up out of nowhere without cause or process.

Everything has its reason. For life to exist, there must be death, and for something to begin, something else must end.

It all cycles.

“To bloom, the ground must thaw.”

“…”

“My world is currently in winter.”

Someday, this ground will thaw, spring will come, buds will sprout…

Until the flower buds of May bloom anew.

“Let’s spend some time apart.”

“…”

“Not as a couple, but as strangers… Let’s live that way.”

The sorrow in his blue eyes seemed to stain the white handkerchief.

No matter how much I wiped, Theodore’s tears wouldn’t stop.

Like an endless rain.

“…When your heart stopped after saving me…”

As always, in front of him, I neither deceive myself nor him.

So, I simply tell it all.

“I realized it. That I still love you.”

“…!”

A great turmoil stirred in his eyes at my words. His black eyelashes quivered, tears sparkled transparently. His lips that had reddened from biting, moved slightly.

I cupped his face with both hands.

__