“Are you referring to writing?”

“Yes. I’d like to learn, though is it going to be very difficult?”

“Perhaps you should ask His Grace instead of me.”

At Jaha’s words, my smiling face stiffened. He was right. It would make more sense to ask Enfrise, who comes every day, rather than Jaha, who visits twice a week.

But, him.

“As you know, pharmacist… the Grand Duke is quite handsome, isn’t he?”

“Yes…”

Jaha’s expression soured. I felt a bit embarrassed as if I was bragging about a lover, but this was different!

‘I’m not a lover. I’m a fan!’

“You know when you think you shouldn’t be doing something, but your words and actions end up betraying your thoughts and feelings?”

“That’s true…”

“That’s what’s happening to me.”

No matter how firmly I resolved myself, it didn’t work when I saw his face. Was this what it feels like to be a seongdok*? I keep wanting to touch, to see reactions. Today was such a struggle to restrain myself.
(A short form of ‘Successful Fan,’ basically means a long-time fan that had later sees their idols as friends or spouse)

I deliberately looked away, trying my best not to focus on Enfrise. I made sure to look him in the eye when we spoke so he wouldn’t suspect anything. They say liars couldn’t look you in the eye, but maybe my efforts would be convincing enough?

That I hadn’t changed much from my usual self.

Thinking back, my plan was perfect. Yes, yes.

“I don’t quite understand what you mean.”

“The Grand Duke is very naive, isn’t he?”

“Na…ive?”

Ah, while maybe naive wasn’t quite right for his face, I couldn’t think of any other way to describe it.

“Innocent?”

“Innocent…”

“Heey, anyway! He’s clumsy with people.”

“Oh, yes. That’s true.”

It seemed he finally understood. After all, explaining something to someone could be quite challenging. Everyone perceived the same thing differently.

To me, naive seemed more fitting.

“But I have a personality that’s bad at beating around the bush.”

Honestly, I didn’t even plan to beat around the bush. After all, both Enfrise and Tambor only dote on Chaperil, so why bother being indirect? That was what I thought until yesterday…

Was it because I acted too spoiled? Today, I tried to be more indirect, but it was hard. Living almost twenty years flatly and then barely a month another way, it’s fascinating how quickly the body adapts to the newer method.

“Learning to write means we’d have to sit closely, face each other, and keep studying, right?”

“Yes.”

“So, I’m not sure if I can restrain myself…”

As I sighed softly, Jaha’s face flushed red. Enfrise usually turned a more intense shade of red… Even with the same pale skin, the reaction could be so different.

…But why were they turning red?

“Pharmacist?”

“Indeed… this kind of conversation might be a bit stimulating for His Grace.”

“This kind of conversation?”

What was the problem?

After thinking it over, I realized the issue with what I said. No, that wasn’t what I meant…

“Pharmacist, even if I’m honest, I wouldn’t just blurt out something inappropriate!”

“Yes…?”

“You’re concerned I can’t hold back, right? I’m talking about what happened in front of the pharmacist that one time.”

“In front of me?”

He still seemed confused. Was I leaving out too much detail? Still, it was a bit embarrassing to say it outright.

“You know, when I compliment the Grand Duke or…”

“Ah.”

Jaha’s eyes widened in realization.

I thought we had been communicating fine up until now. Was I wrong? At this point, I wonder if it’s not me that’s the problem…

“Clearly… you’ve made some remarks prone to misunderstanding.”

“Ugh.”

That stung a bit.

I didn’t intend for 10% of it! Those misunderstandings were ninety percent accidents, mistakes, and misinterpretations.

…Okay, ten percent was on purpose.

“But not talking could lead to even greater misunderstandings.”

“I know. But…”

Well, it was like.

I always thought I had a lot of patience. So, I believed I could easily stop my obsessive behavior towards Enfrise.

But it wasn’t working. Why?

It felt like a collapsed dam. The dam that endured until it overflowed. Water continuously poured over the breached section, making it impossible to repair. Since the breach can’t be fixed, the water didn’t stop either.

It was a vicious cycle.

Once emotions have overflowed, they refuse to be contained again.

“…No, I believe I can restrain myself. Humans are rational beings, after all.”

Sure. I can do this!

Twenty-five years of life, hardly smooth or straightforward, but I’ve endured it. It wouldn’t make sense if I couldn’t handle this.

“…Alright, I understand your reason for asking me, but why the writing…?”

“There’s something I want to look up.”

On my first day here, Jaha was pulled away while trying to explain the medication to me. Since he didn’t bring it up again, it’s likely that Enfrise warned him to keep silent.

So, it would be pointless to ask.

“So, you’ll help me, right?”

This was also risky, actually. If Jaha ended up telling Enfrise everything, I’d have a hard time clearing up the misunderstanding. However, considering he wasn’t initially allowed in the mansion from the start, it seemed Enfrise didn’t fully trust him—meaning he wasn’t completely loyal to Enfrise.

“…I might not be able to assist with learning letters, but I can bring you picture cards and books used by children.”

“Thank you, pharmacist!”

“You can just call me Jaha, Lady Rivette.”

Ah, did the title of ‘pharmacist’ make him uncomfortable? I used it because I wasn’t sure of his status.

“The Grand Duke addresses you with ‘sir’, should I do the same?”

“No need. I’m a commoner… His Grace uses that title out of respect for me. You can just call me Jaha.”

Oh, a commoner.

A commoner with such looks and temperament. Surely, he must receive support from the common folk even if faced with discrimination by nobles.

He might even be a key supporting character.

“Yes, Jaha. Then, Jaha, too, please feel free to call me Chaperil.”

“But… it’s improper to casually use the name of a noble lady.”

“Hey, you’ve heard I lost my memory, right? I don’t remember being a noble lady, so what’s the difference from a commoner? Just feel free to address me.”

After all, I was essentially a commoner.

…Well, a common citizen? I’d like to think I was better off than a peasant.

“If you insist… I will address you so in private.”

“Great. Honestly, those formal titles were quite awkward for me.”

And cringe-worthy.

Reading them in a book was fine, but saying them out loud made me cringe. How did other leads in transmigration stories manage to act so naturally?

‘I’m hopeless.’

“I haven’t met Chaperil much… but I’ve heard a lot about you. Would you like me to share those stories?”

Hmm.

I already knew the essential backstory from the beginning of the novel. Did I need anything else?

Ah, about my chronic condition. Though if he had been silenced on that matter, there was no point in asking about anything else.

“It’s okay.”

“Aren’t you curious? About Chaperfil, the noble lady.”

“If I said I wasn’t curious, that would be a lie, wouldn’t it? After all, it concerns me. But I’m fine without knowing for now.”

Jaha’s expression is ambiguous. Normally, people jump at the chance when offered information like this.

“I believe the Grand Duke will tell me when the time is right.”

Just like these chains and shackles have been removed. Eventually, maybe he would also talk about my illness and medication someday. Though… somehow, the fact that he was not coming forward about this, even when asked directly, bothered me.

I trusted that the ending would be happy, but…

But what if, by some rare chance, it was a bad ending? What if my illness was severe and I wouldn’t make it to the end?

Everyone dies at some point, but there was this odd sense of entitlement I felt.

After living for twenty-five years like that, I think I should at least live another twenty-five years here. At least make it to fifty!

Perhaps it was because my circumstances had changed. Before, I thought, ‘If I die, I die. No more cooking, cleaning, or laundry.’ But now, the thought of such an ending feels unjust. I’d be willing to take any medicine necessary, even if it meant consuming something alive.

Since Enfrise seems hesitant to discuss it, I have to find out for myself.

“…Chaperil truly trusts His Grace.”

“Yes.”

I smiled, and Jaha returned it with a soft twinkle in his eyes. His gentle demeanor makes his smile especially fitting. He glanced at me for a moment before pulling out an easel and canvas he brought along.

“Now, I should start today’s lesson. We’ll be learning how to apply gesso.”

“Gesso?”

“Yes. Since canvas is made of cloth, paint won’t adhere properly just by being applied directly. That’s why we prepare the surface with gesso.”

Jaha took out a glass bottle. At first glance, it looked like a jar filled with white paint.

“This is different from paint. It’s a mixture of plaster and glue. Once it dries, painting on it becomes much easier.”

Jaha began to pour the gesso into a wide bowl after taking out a large paintbrush and a container filled with water.

As I watched intently, he suddenly spoke up.

“If we finish the painting lesson early… I could answer any questions that you’re curious about.”

“…Thank you, Jaha.”

While I wasn’t sure why he changed his mind, I was grateful for his willingness to help. Having help certainly makes a difference.

“Then, pay close attention.”

“Yes.”

“Gesso cannot be used as it is. You need to mix it with a bit of water…”

And so, Jaha’s art lesson began.

__