Home Post 1032-chapter-88


The calm lake rippled as water sprayed around, caused by me dropping the commanders, except for Endymion, who remained perched on my shoulder.

“Are, are you okay? I’m sorry.”

They seemed shocked. I rescued Odil who was pale-faced first, and Damian, who appeared to be enjoying the situation last and seated them on my knees. Grandmother then burst into laughter.

“It looks like you all get along well.”

“What? Uh… It’s not bad, I guess. Better than before.”

“It’s good they’re with you. It must have been hard, right?”

Grandmother approached closer, knelt and caressed my cheek with a tender gaze. I nodded silently in response.

“It was hard, but I guess I underestimated things.”

“Underestimated what exactly?”

“About Kyren… the Emperor. What made me think I knew him?”

“It was inevitable. He uses a magic similar yet distinct from ours. It is capable of breaking down people’s guards, exploiting their vulnerabilities, and eventually bewitching them.”

Endymion and Odil had mentioned something similar. This realization complicated my feelings further, knowing my vague goodwill towards Kyren might have been influenced by his magic. As I bowed my head, the little eyes intently watched me.

“It’ll be okay.”


As I lifted my head at her soothing voice, her wrinkled hand gently wiped away the tear stains on my face.

“I know what you’re worried about. But I’m sure it’ll be okay.”

“You always say it’ll be okay. Back then, and even now.”

“Back then, and even now, you have those who will protect you by your side.”

“Protect me… These people?”

Grandmother just smiled silently. Looking down, I couldn’t help but let out a chuckle.

“What are you so pleased about?”

I spoke gruffly to them who were sitting neatly on my knees. Damian then tilted his head in a cute manner.

“…Stop trying to be cute.”

“No, you can do more. Say ‘I love you’ more, express it more.”


“You said you’re afraid of how your feelings might change.”


“But Lilith, endings always come. Nothing lasts forever. People’s promises and feelings are fickle, they can be easily broken or shattered by the smallest thing. That’s what you’re worried about, isn’t it?”

“I knew it, I was aware of it. Damian had said it. If I truly hated it, I wouldn’t have given it a chance at all. It felt like a piercing truth.”

Since I had been thinking about the end rather than the beginning, I had no intention of accepting it no matter what the excuses were. Despite all my protests about ‘That’s not how you like someone!’ or ‘Your taste is weird!’ or ‘That’s not liking me,’ I was, in fact, possibly starting to like them back.

“Do you like them?”

“I’m not sure. But maybe, just maybe, I might.”

“Then that’s settled. Hoho, they seem surprised.”

Surprised? Surprised by what? Following Grandmother’s gaze, I looked down to see the commanders with their eyes wide and mouths agape, making my face heat up in an instant. I blurted out in defense,

“It’s just a maybe, maybe! Why, why are you all clinging so much?”

“They’re happy to hear your true feelings for the first time.”

The little commanders sitting neatly in my lap tried to cuddle closer, and I had to pry them off me.

“This isn’t even real…!”

“It maybe, or maybe not.”


It was ambiguous.

Meanwhile, Endymion on my shoulder kept kissing my cheek, tickling me. Damian, seeing this, started to scold him before trying to climb onto me along with Regulus, and Odil, hesitating at first, suddenly came over to kiss my fingers, while Ares, who was blushing furiously, just collapsed.

“Lilith, you’re still young. Express yourself more, be more demanding, love more, and experience a lot. So you have no regrets or lingering feelings later.”

After carefully picking up Ares and setting him upright, I looked back at Grandmother. She was looking at Ares with a kind face.

“This child resembles Marsein a lot.”

“….Grandmother, do you have regrets?”

“I didn’t realize my own feelings for a long time. Though my life with Ulysses was happy, there was something missing that I only realized too late. Lermiel said it’s good that I’ve come to understand my feelings now. But child, what’s the use of knowing the truth after spending the brightest moments with regrets and longing?”

Damian and Regulus had climbed up to my chest and were trying to kick each other off. As I quietly observed their bickering, Grandmother continued to speak.

“I hope you don’t end up like me. It doesn’t have to be these children… Oh, oh dear. Alright, I understand. Ideally, it would be with these children.”


Before she could finish saying it was okay even if it wasn’t them, all the little commanders looked at her as if they felt betrayed. Grandmother chuckled softly and stroked the heads of Ares and Odil with her finger.

“In a deep forest somewhere.”


“In a secluded place, rarely visited by people, there bloomed an unnamed flower. Beautiful up close, but so well hidden that it couldn’t be seen from afar. Then, on a windy day, someone spotted the flower hidden among the bushes. After wandering through the rough mountain terrain, they finally found it, but the flower, being too shy, hid away again.”


“It would have been better if they hadn’t seen it at all, but once they did and even found it, it haunted their thoughts. Whether eating, sleeping, or talking with others, they couldn’t give up and wandered the mountains again in search. And when they finally found it, they could get a bit closer, but it hid once more.”

The story seemed to target someone specifically. It bothered me that Damian smirked at me. So I placed him back on my lap and pretended not to know.

“The truth is, the flower wanted to see the person who recognized its beauty and kept coming back. But it kept hiding. Lilith, do you understand why the flower did that?”

“….Maybe it was worried that the person would be disappointed upon seeing it up close?”

“If that were the case, the person would have left disappointed after getting a closer look.”

Odil and Ares, sitting quietly, exchanged shy smiles. The undeterred Damian began to climb again, and as I tilted my head slightly, Regulus mirrored the action. Endymion skillfully gripped my hair with his small hands and braiding it.

“…That person.”


“It was afraid they wouldn’t come looking anymore.”

“Those children wouldn’t do that.”

“I was talking about the flower… Ah, really. Why do you all cling so much?”

The commanders clung to me with identical expressions as if to say, ‘How can you say such a thing!’ They were too small for me to push away roughly, I just waved my hands and sighed deeply, half in resignation.

“Yes, you’re right. You all wouldn’t do that. But what if I’m that kind of person?”


“Grandmother and the commanders, you all really have some misconceptions about me. I’m not that good or pure. Look at what I’m doing now. It’s like I find giving to others wasteful and I don’t want to give for myself.”

“Hoho, so you do think it’s wasteful to give to others.”

“…As for me. I can’t imagine what I might do if I get hurt. That scares me.”

Grandmother tilted her head curiously. I tried to calm down and continued.

“I was really angry when I found out the ring was hidden from me intentionally. You saw how I acted, right? I hit Damian and… forced myself on him. Normally, even if you’re angry, you wouldn’t go that far. If I truly gave my heart and then did something irreversible…”

“What would be irreversible, child? Planning to kill?”

“I, I wouldn’t go that far! Just, maybe… imprisoning someone.”


“Or blinding them so no one else can see them, cutting off their ankles, doing cruel things like that!”

I yelled, swallowing back tears. I know people’s hearts don’t always follow their will. But why does it have to be so complicated, and why can’t I understand what I truly want?

However, the negative emotions that weighed down on me before I lost consciousness due to Kyren were unmistakably my own.

The gloomy desire to torment and torment again, beyond the point of forgiveness, even if they begged and cried for mercy.

They’d be disappointed, wouldn’t they? How terrifying I must have appeared. As my vision began to blur and my nose started to sting, I felt warmth on my cheek. Turning my head while biting my lip, there was Endymion who was smiling brightly.

“Hey, why are you smiling?”

It was strange. This was certainly no laughing matter…? As I stood puzzled, I felt warmth on my other cheek and turned to see Regulus excitedly waving his hand.

“No, why are you all happy about this?”

Then, feeling a tug on my clothing, I looked down to see Odil nodding with a resolved face, Ares squeezing his eyes shut and reaching out his hands, and Damian wrapping the thread connected to my fingers tighter around his neck. Their actions, escalating to placing hands on their waist and tilting their heads back, left me bewildered.

“It’s a relief, child. It seems you have a firm resolve that whatever you do will be okay.”

“Okay…? But, this is just a dream…!”

“Yes. A dream, indeed. So why not take it easy for now? Overthinking will eventually lead you to doubt what’s right even in yourself. Let’s take a walk for a moment.”

“What? Oh, okay.”

My face was burning. I set down the commanders, who seemed reluctant to leave, on the surface of the lake and stood up. With each step, the lake rippled and the thread sparkled. Seeing the thread from my fingers now tied around their neck, I felt odd as if I was walking a pet, which left me feeling ambivalent.

As I slowly walked, I felt like blending into the unchanging scenery.

“Lilith, child. You were turning back into a human.”

The voice, as clear as if waking from a dream, made me stop in my tracks.