“Ah.”

A mistake.

I reflexively rubbed the misplaced spot on the edge with my hand, which only resulted in getting it on my hand instead.

“Grand Duke.”

“…Yes.”

“Please don’t move. It keeps going awry.”

“I’m sorry…”

Why was he just spouting apologies? Every time I moved my hand, he flinched. How was I supposed to work with you trembling like this?!

“Grand Duke.”

“I’m sorry, it’s just… not something I can control…”

Every time I moved my hand, Enfrise frowned as if it was unbearable. It was cute and somewhat sexy, but…

This wouldn’t do.

“Grand Duke.”

“Yes…”

“Should we just not do this?”

“No. I’m sorry. I’ll be more careful not to move. Please, continue.”

Sigh…

I was enduring this because it was Enfrise. If it were anyone else, I would have given up after the brush went awry for the third time. Then, I grasped his large hand as tightly as I could, trying to stop the trembling, before I instructed Enfrise.

“Grand Duke, you hold on tight, too, so it doesn’t shake. Rest your elbow on the table.”

“…But if we do that—”

“Aah, hurry!”

After a moment’s hesitation, Enfrise placed his hand over mine. There was no need for all this; just holding the wrist would have been enough.

And now, because of this.

“….”

…My hand started trembling.

No, were we trembling together? I couldn’t even tell whose hand was trembling anymore.

“Wait. It might be better if I just let go of your hand.”

Even though I tried to pull my hand away gently, it didn’t budge. It felt as if he was holding on even tighter…

When I looked up at Enfrise, he suddenly turned his head away. No, it wasn’t about turning his head… could he let go of my hand? Were we going to keep holding hands like this?

…Or, rather.

“Fine.”

“Excuse me?”

“Let’s just do it this way.”

Saying so, I set down the brush I was holding in my right hand and wrapped it around his hand.

“What does this mean?”

What did he mean, what does it mean?

“It seems we need to get used to each other.”

“…Excuse me?”

I’ve been thinking about it a lot recently.

Every time Enfrise got close, when I caught his scent or when we had any physical contact, my heart felt like it was going to burst.

How should I deal with this?

Logically, no matter how cute, cool, or sexy Enfrise was, he was just a character from a book. Losing my senses over such a character to this extent was far from normal, so why did this happen?

After much deliberation, I concluded.

‘It’s because I’m not accustomed to men.’

Thinking about it, it was inevitable.

Influenced by my grandmother’s insistence, I deliberately didn’t go to a nearby co-ed school for an all-girls middle and high school that was far away. Even for university, I ended up at a women’s college because of threats at home not to pay my tuition for any other institution.

The only man I had been close to at home was my younger brother, who, despite having a decent appearance and build, had a terrible temper.

The guys at the company were… needless to say, trash. In some ways, my hungry ghost-possessed younger brother seemed almost preferable.

— “Soo-hee, you’re a legend of the all-girls education path, huh? There are still people like that nowadays. Ever held a man’s hand?”

— “Let those smelly men be, Soo-hee! Come here and pour us some drinks. Ever poured drinks for a man?”

— “You’re acting too high and mighty. They say women’s colleges are even more promiscuous these days. Am I not good enough for you, Soo-hee? Keep that up, and you’ll never get married, you know?”

Ugh. Just thinking about it was suffocating.

I heard there were decent guys at the company my friend worked for, so why were there only such types at the company I was at? Looking for a company within a bus ride distance from home, where I could pop out for lunch, didn’t get paid much but was allowed for an early leave, which led to rejecting better places.

I did want to go to a better place, but…

Although I started working part-time in high school, since I was still a minor, my grandmother insisted on managing my bank account for me. I was uneasy about it. Still, with my parents earning well from their business, I doubted they would dip into my savings, so I reluctantly agreed.

I admit I lacked financial sense.

I took any part-time job available that would hire a high school student. I worked as a restaurant server, sorted packages, and even did typing jobs on good days. The best job was at a convenience store. The manager allowed me to study during downtime.

It was tough, but thinking of the money accumulating for my independence made me happy. I wanted to go to a university in Seoul and live independently.

Though my home was in Gyeonggi-do, it was not too far for commuting…

Somehow, I just wanted to escape from home.

That was why I worked part-time, saving up for the room I’d rent upon gaining independence. Studying whenever I could, I managed to barely get accepted into a not-so-famous but still in-Seoul women’s university and another relatively well-known university in Seoul with, luckily low competition.

When I shared the news of my acceptance, my parents were happy for me. They thanked me for managing to get into a university in Seoul despite them not being able to pay much attention to my education.

They said I would do well on my own, but then, my grandmother…

— “What does a girl need a university education for? You should just stay home and take care of the household chores.”

— “Mother!”

— “And if you leave, who’s going to take care of our grandson and me? I can’t do it. I’m old, and my joints are weak.”

My father had never gone against my grandmother’s words. She was always his strongest ally and his most feared mentor.

That was why, most of the time, we just did as my grandmother wanted. The first time my father raised his voice to my grandmother was then.

— “Please stop it, Mother! How can you say not sending a child to university just because of household chores makes any sense?”

My mother fought with my grandmother several times over this. It was unreasonable to make a child who hadn’t even entered elementary school do all the cleaning.

Whenever they fought, it often escalated to physical confrontations—not hitting each other, but throwing objects around was common. Sometimes, one of them would end up in the hospital after being hit by a thrown object.

— “I enjoy doing chores! I said I do it because it’s fun!”

— “What? Soo-hee, what are you talking about?”

— “Don’t fight. I do it because I find it fun, okay?”

— “See? The child says she enjoys it. Now stop! Even if Mother is all about her grandson, you can’t force a child who dislikes it to work?”

I just wanted their fighting to stop. That was all.

After that, my mother might complain to me, but she stopped directly confronting my grandmother or father. Peace returned to our home, and I was satisfied with that.

— “Just because? Do you even know the status of our family? We’re descended from royal lineage! Can the eldest male heir of such a family just eat and wear anything?”

— “If that’s the case, we’ll hire someone to work. Please, let Soo-hee go to college.”

— “Hire someone? Do you know how much college tuition costs? Are you going to use the money my son earns to send a girl to college and hire someone else instead?”

— “Please, Mother, stop it! It’s not just him earning money, I earn as well! I’ll use my earnings to hire someone, so please, no more words!”

— “If you have that money, you should spend it on the eldest grandson, not on a girl who won’t even use her education. What’s she going to do with it? Argue back at adults like you?”

— “Mother!”

The house was filled with shouting for days. My brother said to me,

— “Look at the state of our house. All this because of you? Mom and Dad can’t even go to work properly.”

— “What?”

— “If you weren’t here, the house would be peaceful. All this trouble because of you. I’m going to the PC cafe and won’t be coming home tonight, just so you know.”

…Because of me?

I thought I had endured a lot for my brother’s sake, following grandmother’s words since he was the only male heir to continue our family line, the precious fourth-generation sole male heir. I believed I had to endure because I would be leaving this house upon marriage, that my endurance was the price for the peace in the house, given that I wouldn’t be taking any of the family wealth with me.

I grew up hearing this from my grandmother all the time.

And it was true. When I endured, the house remained peaceful.

…But why did I always have to be the one to endure?

I went to my mother, the only person in the house I thought was on my side. Just like she had vented to me, I wanted to vent to her and feel relieved. However, I was greeted by my mother, drunk on alcohol, before I could even speak.

— “Soo-hee, can’t you go to a university closer to home?”

— “…What?”

— “We can cover your college tuition with student loans, and I can secretly help you pay them off. You know how stubborn your grandmother is. If we drag this on, everyone suffers. Neither your father nor I can afford to miss work indefinitely.”

Why me, I thought.

Actually, I had thought about it many times.

Every time my grandmother doted on my brother, every time my parents yielded to my grandmother’s nagging and left me alone to take my brother out, every time my brother got a new toy, every time he got to eat whatever he wanted.

Really, I thought about it at every moment of every day.

Why always me?

My heart was probably filled with that question.

I tried to understand. Bbecause grandmother said so. Because grandmother was stubborn. Because my parents couldn’t stand up to her. Because the most influential people in the house, my brother and father, sided with grandmother.

Because the house would be peaceful if only I endured.

— …Why do I always have to be the one to endure?

That question, which had filled me, slipped out before I realized it.

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